You Will Always Be My Special Boy

by Eilish Moore

Buddy, my sweet Buddy, it's been five months since we had to put you to sleep, and I miss you more every single day. I miss hearing your paws tip toe on the floor when I knew you were coming to see me. I miss the jingle of your collar as I walked in from work. I miss you shoving your nose in to my face when you came to wake me up.

You were full of character, always making me smile no matter what you did, even if you were doing nothing. Because I just loved you. You were my best friend. You were there for me through all of my childhood; when I left school, when I passed my driving test, got my first boyfriend, and eventually left home. You were there.

As you grew older, your joints started to stiffen, your legs couldn't carry you as well, and your eyes started to fog over. But I loved you just the same, if not more than before, if possible. When you got rushed in to the vets with your diabetes at the age of five, we thought that was it. I was by your side the whole way, knowing you would come out fighting. And you did.

I never wanted to let you go. I know that's life, but it's not fair. Nobody is ever ready to say goodbye to their best friend. But you were in pain, you had given up, I could see it in your eyes as you rested your chin on my knee, sighing in agony. Even though I wanted to hold you tight and never let go, I wanted to end your suffering.

When the vet put you to sleep, I held you tight as you slipped away to heaven. My boy of twelve years had gone. I just hope you know how much you were loved. I think of you every day.

As life has gone on I have carried you with me in my heart. I bought my new house not long ago and imagined how much you'd have loved running around the big garden. I framed your photo at the top of my stairs so I can look at it whenever I walk to bed. You have given me so many memories; I find myself chuckling to myself remembering when you ran through a family picnic in the park trying to steal their sandwiches, or when you knocked Nan and the Christmas tree over by running too fast, or when you stole my brand new phone on my birthday to try and eat it.

I would be here all day if I could recall everything.

I hope you are happy up there, my boy. I would do anything to have one last cuddle with you, but deep down I know it was your time to go. We scattered some of your ashes on your favourite field, and Mum keeps the other half on her book case with your photo.

Thank you for showing me what true love really felt like. Thank you for loving me unconditionally no matter what I did. Thank you for being the best friend I ever could have wished for.

And please know this. No matter where life takes me, no matter if I one day do decide to get another dog, please know that it will always be you who is my special boy. I will never forget you, Buddy. Run free now.