You Fought Until the Very End

by Allison
(Connecticut )

You captured the family's heart as soon as we saw you. You were energetic and so eager to greet us when you were taken out of your cage. Then you laid your head on Dad's knee and reminded him of Samson. That's when we were told you would be coming home with us.

As a puppy when you were being walked you sat on the feet of whoever was walking you when they stopped. It was adorable, but most of the things you did were adorable.

You were mom's dog. You whined when she left for work in the morning and fell over yourself to greet her when she came home. Then one day she didn't come home. You were confused. You had no way of knowing she had passed away from a heart attack.

But you knew I was sad, and you became my dog. You stayed by my side and you helped me through my mother's death. You never let me leave your sight, and were always walking at my heels. I think you were afraid I would disappear like she did.

We took you to the vet as soon as we noticed something wrong, and they told us it was Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever, after some researching. We got antibiotics and were told we should see improvement in a couple days. This was on Monday.

Even when you fell sick and lost your sight you followed me. I tried to stop you, as you were walking into things and hurting yourself, but you would cry when I left you alone. Oh you would cry.

Then by Wednesday we still saw no improvement. You were getting worse. Your eyes were starting to fill completely with blood and you were tired and barely eating anymore.

Friday we got a call from the vet. Your test for Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever came back negative, and they wanted us to bring you back in. We did, and we saw a different doctor. He took one look at you and told us it was Pannus. We got new prescriptions for you that we started on Saturday.

Then you vomited blood and we called the vet. They told us it was the medicine, but the doctor we saw on Friday gave us his personal cell and told us to keep him updated.

Then on Sunday morning I awoke to find you had vomited twice, though without blood in it this time. You also seemed a little perkier and the vet took this as improvement.

Then when I went to go give you eyedrops I noticed the whites of your eyes were filling with blood rapidly. I tried to contact the vet but he was out with family. When he contacted me back he said he wanted to see you as soon as he got in town. Between 6-8.

I was worried but still thought you had Pannus. Then when I was petting you around 4 you stood and walked away from me. It was odd as you normally stuck close to my side. I assumed you wanted space and let you go.

A little before 5:30 I heard sounds of distress and ran into the hallway to find you seizing. watched as you vomited blood, so much blood. It was then I realized you were dying.

I called the vet and he picked up, the first thing he said is "is she still breathing." You were and he told me that when he saw you Friday he had also considered Lymphoma as another possibility but had really hoped it was simply Pannus.

He said that there wasn't much that could be done, and then while I was on the phone trying to listen to him, you seized again and slowly stopped breathing. I told him and listened to him just long enough for him to tell me he was sorry and to call him back. Then I hung up on him.

It kills me that I could only stand there as you died, that I didn't know you were dying or how until it was already too late. I couldn't even bring you to the vet, I couldn't handle handing you off to them.

I said my goodbyes in the hallway right outside my bedroom, took your collar, and then let you go.

But it's hard because you were my everything for such a long time. I would reach out at night and pet you from where you lay on the side of the bed.

I would walk in the door and you would come running, jumping all over me and doing a whole body wag, you were so happy to see me. I would get up to leave a room and then laugh as you scrambled to your feet to follow after me.

Just a week ago you were fine, and then suddenly you were sick, suddenly you were dying. You wanted to live so bad, you fought as long as you could, and I thank you for that.

You'll forever be my baby, my sweetheart, the one I spoiled and lavished with attention. The one I fooled myself into thinking would be with me forever.