This Is for Molly, My German Shepherd. I Wanted To Tell You This

by Victoria Chisholm
(Maine)

Mollers, Molly Bolly, Big BOZ, molls.

You broke my heart once in 9 years, and that was the day you died. I love you so much. You helped me cope wth everything. I'll never forget your eyes, or the freckle on your tongue. I'll never forget how you jumped, or barked. I'll never forget your loving ways.

I grew up wth you, you went through so much with me. You taught me how to love. You were the most loyal dog in the world. Two thngs I will carry with me every day.

1) the song I rehearsed to you before you died, and

2) the 6 minutes we went through before and after you died. It was such a hard decision. Your quality of life was lowered. Your brain and upper body functioned, but you were paralyzed, and it was selfish of us to keep you alive as a big german shepherd.

I will love you forever. You will always be my dog, and no other dog will EVER compare to you. Every night when you aren't at my feet I go back to the exact moment you left. I feel lke I'm there. You trying to run away from the stranger with the needle, but you end up draggng your lower half behind you. Once a nurse finally holds you, she tells me to stay close so you could smell me, so you can see I'm there and with you. You lick my hand. You whine, and give me your paw, trying to make them stop. Thnkng I would make them go away. Thinking if you did something nice that it would make everything better and I would keep them away from you. I remember her telling me that you were starting to go because your muscles were beginning to relax.

Finally the liquid in the needle was gone, the nurse let go, and your body lay limp on the ground. Pee poured out of you, because of all the days you lie on your bed holding it in because of your pride and wanting to make us happy, when in all actuality we wanted you to pee in the house.

Your eyes were still open. I would try to shut your eyelids but they just wouldn't close. I waited for you to blink or get up, or resist when I held you but it didn't work. I started to leave the room but I couldn't. Your mouth lay open, your paws in an uncomfortable position, laying in your pee, with your eyes open.

The cross we put around you, whch we expected to heal you, I left on.