Ottee, the Sweetest and Dearest Little Dog

by Jess
(UK)

My Ottee,

I always remember the first time I met you as a tiny little puppy and you tried to play tug of war with my trouser leg. You were the first dog I ever had, the answer to my childhood dreams.

Whenever I found things difficult with my family or school, you would always let me cuddle you for as long as I needed. You were the only one I could always turn to... you were my best friend, Ottee. My little pal, my comforter, protector.

You knew when I was sad. You would come and nibble the zip of my jumper so gently. You would never hurt a fly. And you were always so overjoyed to see me. It breaks my heart whenever I come home and your little face isn't waiting, paw waving in the air.

You were so clever, Ottee...I'm sorry I never trained you properly like I was planning. I guess I thought we would have much longer together :( 4 years wasn't enough. Maybe if you were trained it wouldn't have happened. I regret it all the time >_<

The day you went is so vivid. Your behaviour was strange that morning. Perhaps you knew what was coming. But I will never forget the lovely breakfast time we spent frying and eating bacon on the fire outside :)

My dad ran Ottee over on the driveway. My sister saw it. I'm so so glad I didn't. I was near at the time though, so I was with Ottee immediately.

The sight of her little body spread out on the ground haunts me every day. That was my best friend lying there. There was blood spoiling her beautiful face. She was still breathing but I knew she was going because of her eyes. I held her through her last minutes. I have never blamed my dad.

The days and weeks afterwards were so hard. I felt like half of me was missing. I still do. Tonight I'm feeling particularly bad so I really needed to write this down. I can't stop crying.

I wish I could hold you, my Ottee, one last time, to say I'm sorry for anything I didn't do right in your life and to thank you with all my heart for being my beautiful little angel.

I miss you so much :'(

Love always from your silly human friend,

Jess