Mulder

by Vanessa

Mulder, I remember the first day we met in December 2007. You picked me when you laid your head on my shoulder. I adopted you that day, and brought you to your forever home on January 1, 2008.

For the next 11 years, you were my constant companion. You loved our walks, cuddling on the couch, and of course, eating. You could be in a deep sleep, snoring away, and as soon as you heard a bag open, or smelled food, you were wide awake and at my side.

At 14 years old, your personality was still there, but your body was deteriorating rapidly. You had spinal compression, which resulted in you losing strength in your hind legs. You could no longer feel when it was time to go outside and relieve yourself. As a result, you had a rash on your stomach.

During the last two weeks, you no longer wanted to go outside and walk. You had long ago stopped sitting in my lap and cuddling with me. You woke up in the middle of the night crying, and I could not comfort you.

I took you to the vet on December 11, 2018, and when she called, I could hear the sadness in her voice. I made the decision to love you enough to let you go. I now think you had been telling me you were ready, but I could not accept the fact that it was time for you to rest eternally.

My heart is broken. I hate getting up in the morning and not seeing you in your bed. I miss saying, "Mulder, Mama is going to make the donuts," when I leave for work. I take deep breaths when I come home, so I can make it from the car to inside the house without falling apart. I cry multiple times every day because my sweet boy is over the rainbow.

I know you are at peace. Now you are free. You can hold up your curly tail and run with strong legs.

I miss you Mulder, and I will always love you.