Funny Dog Quotes
To Give You a Chuckle

These 19 funny dog quotes are by authors with surnames that start with "U," "V," "W," "X," "Y" and "Z." Most will make you laugh or guffaw. Some will amuse you, and others will simply bring a smile to your face. But hey, a smile is always better than no smile!

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.

Jeff Valdez

It was a small town: Ferguson, Ohio. When you entered there was a big sign and it said, "Welcome to Ferguson. Beware of the Dog." The all-night drugstore closed at noon.

Jackie Vernon

I would recommend to those persons who are inclined to stagnate, whose blood is beginning to thicken sluggishly in their veins, to try keeping four dogs, two of which are puppies.

Elizabeth von Arnum

I have Social Disease. I have to go out every night. If I stay home one night I start spreading rumors to my dogs.

Andy Warhol

My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a can. That's almost $7.00 in dog money.

Joe Weinstein

They say a reasonable amount o' fleas is good fer a dog—keeps him from broodin' over bein' a dog, mebbe.

Edward Noyes Westcott

My little old dog: a heart-beat at my feet.

Edith Wharton

I have a spaniel that defrocked a nun last week. He took hold of the cord. I had hold of the leash. It was like elephants holding tails. Imagine me undressing a nun, even second hand.

E.B. White

It sometimes takes days, even weeks, before a dog's nerves tire. In the case of terriers it can run into months.

E.B. White

If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer.

Alfred North Whitehead

Our dogs, like our shoes, are comfortable. They might be a bit out of shape and a little worn around the edges, but they fit well.

Bonnie Wilcox, Old Dogs, Old Friends

Bark: This is a sound made by dogs when excited. Dogs bark at milkmen, postmen, yourself, visitors to the house and other dogs; some of them bark at nothing. For some reason dogs tend not to bark at burglars, bailiffs and income tax collectors, at whom they wag their tails in the most friendly manner.

Geoffrey Williams

This past Thanksgiving, my father was at the farm, and I had all 11 dogs in the house with a father who never allowed dogs in the house. And he got up to leave the table and came back and Solomon was in his chair. And he says, "This dog is in my chair." And I said, "It's the other way around, you're sitting in his chair."

Oprah Winfrey, on her American spaniel, who shares the house with ten other dogs, including six golden retrievers

Both humans and dogs love to play well in adulthood, and individuals from both species occasionally display evidence of having a conscience.

Jon Winokur

To a dog, motoring isn't just a way of getting from here to there, it's also a thrill and an adventure. The mere jingle of car keys is enough to send most any dog into a whimpering, tail-wagging frenzy.

Jon Winokur

It is fatal to let any dog know that he is funny, for he immediately loses his head and starts hamming it up.

Sir Pelham Grenville Wodehouse (P.G. Wodehouse)

The Heimlich maneuver works on house pets. My pit bull was choking on his dinner. I squeezed his stomach and the neighbor's cat shot right out.

Scott Wood

I've caught more ills from people sneezing over me and giving me virus infections than from kissing dogs.

Barbara Woodhouse

The eyes of a dog, the expression of a dog, the warmly wagging tail of a dog and the gloriously cold damp nose of a dog were in my opinion all God-given for one purpose only—to make complete fools of us human beings.

Barbara Woodhouse

I have consolidated all Steven Wright dog quotes on one page.