Funny Dog Quotes
To Give You a Chuckle

These 31 funny dog quotes are by authors whose surnames start with "P," "Q" and "R." Most will make you laugh or guffaw. Some will amuse you, and others will simply bring a smile to your face. But hey, a smile is always better than no smile!

Why, that dog is practically a Phi Beta Kappa. She can sit up and beg, and she can give her paw—I don't say she will, but she can.

Dorothy Parker

If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them.

Phil Pastoret

A dog is a dog, a bird is a bird, and a cat is a person.

Mugsy Peabody

Never stand between a dog and the hydrant.

John Peers

For the fifth year in succession I have pored over the catalogue of dogs in the show at Madison Square Garden without finding a dog named Rover, Bowser, Sport, Spot or Fido.

Who is the man who can call from the back door at night: "Here, Champion Alexander of Clane o' Wind-Holme! Here, Champion Alexander of Clane o' Wind-Holme!"?

Westbrook Pegler

The best way to get a puppy is to beg for a baby brother—and they'll settle for a puppy every time.

Winston Pendleton

The first year I was on the show, it took an interviewer about 45 minutes to get it out of me that I even had a dog, and even then I wouldn't tell him the dog's name.

David Hyde Pierce, co-star of
Frasier

I like driving around with my two dogs, especially on the freeways. I make them wear little hats so I can use the car-pool lanes.

Monica Piper

When a shepherd goes to kill a wolf, and takes his dog along to see the sport, he should take care to avoid mistakes. The dog has certain relationships to the wolf the shepherd may have forgotten.

Robert M. Pirsig
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance

Histories are more full of examples of the fidelity of dogs than of friends.

Alexander Pope

Somewhere around the place I've got an unfinished short story about Schrodinger's Dog; it was mostly moaning about all the attention the cat was getting.

Terry Pratchett

Sooner or later we're all someone's dog.

Terry Pratchett

A man bitten by a dog, whether the animal is mad or not, is apt to get mad himself.

George D. Prentice

Golf seems to be an arduous way to go for a walk. I prefer to take the dogs out.

Princess Anne

Keep running after a dog and he will never bite you.

François Rabelais

They say the dog is man's best friend. I don't believe that. How many of your friends have you neutered?

Larry Reeb

My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.

Joan Rivers

It was so cold today that I saw a dog chasing a cat, and the dog was walking.

Mickey Rivers

What was the name of that dog on "Rin Tin Tin"?

Mickey Rivers

I love a dog. He does nothing for political reasons.

Will Rogers

If you get to thinking you're a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else's dog around.

Will Rogers

The more I see of men, the more I admire dogs.

Jeanne-Marie Roland

I know at last what distinguishes man from animals: financial worries.

Romain Roland

If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.

Andy Rooney

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.

Andy Rooney

Dogs are getting bigger, according to a leading dog manufacturer.

Leo Rosten

My advice to any diplomat who wants to have good press is to have two or three kids and a dog.

Carl Rowan

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

Rita Rudner

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpets or ruin our lives.

Rita Rudner

We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet—so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.

Rita Rudner