Funny Dog Quotes
To Give You a Chuckle

These 17 funny dog quotes are by authors whose surnames start with "B." Most will make you laugh or guffaw. Some will amuse you, and others will simply bring a smile to your face. But hey, a smile is always better than no smile!

I have consolidated all the Dave Barry dog quotes onto one page for easier access.

He knew what people thought of his kind. "High Strung." "Spoiled Rotten." "French."

But in the next twenty-four hours, he's going to change all that....

He's SMALL.
He's BLACK.
He's MAD AS HELL.
He's POODLE with a MOHAWK.

"You'll never call him Fifi again."

Lynda Barry

A dog is one of the remaining reasons why some people can be persuaded to go for a walk.

O.A. Battista

Where are the dogs going? you people who pay so little attention ask. They are going about their business. And they are very punctilious, without wallets, notes, and without briefcases.

Charles Baudelaire

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.

Robert Benchley

Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that the child cannot do much harm one way or the other.

Robert Benchley

The ideal age for a boy to own a dog is between forty-five and fifty.

Robert Benchley

Trained or not, he'll always be his own dog to a degree.

Carol Lea Benjamin

DOG, n. A subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the world's worship.... [H]is master works for the means wherewith to purchase the idle wag of the Solomonic tail, seasoned with a look of tolerant recognition.

Ambrose Bierce,
The Devil's Dictionary

I have placed all the Josh Billings dog quotes on one page for easier access.

I called our hotel but the response was "I'm sorry, sir. We've been booked up for months." With sudden inspiration, I called back.... This time I said, "Hello, this is Shana's human..." and this time the response was, "Oh yes, sir. Come on down. We always have a room for you." It really puts you in your place when your dog can get a hotel room, but you can't.

J. Emmett Black, Jr., on how all the staff at a certain Holiday Inn knew his dog by name, but not him. Crime was reduced whenever Shana stayed there; she's a 120 pound Great Dane.

Things that upset a terrier may pass virtually unnoticed by a Great Dane.

Smiley Blanton

Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window!

Steve Bluestone

I have placed all the Erma Bombeck dog quotes on one page for easier access.

Dogs are a habit, I think.

Elizabeth Bowen

The Airedale... an unrivaled mixture of brains and clownish wit, the very ingredients one looks for in a spouse.

Chip Brown,
Connoisseur Magazine

In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him.

Dereke Bruce

I'd rather have an inch of a dog than miles of pedigree.

Dana Burnet

Study hard, and you might grow up to be President. But let's face it: Even then, you'll never make as much money as your dog.

George Bush, to a graduating class, referring to Millie, his dog, who earned $889,176 in book royalties

The great pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself too.

Samuel Butler, Higgledy-Piggledy