Chico

by Marjorie Escaro
(Calamba City Laguna PH)

I feel so guilty right now. My dog died last night. I just found out in the morning through a text message my sister sent me. I am away from home. I work out of town and I only go home on weekends. He died last night, Wednesday.

My dog's name is Chico. He was only about 3 months old. I bought him from a man selling puppies outside the mall on August 27, 2016. I have another dog, a Shih Tzu, and I realized that she might want to have a companion. When I started working in Manila, I brought my two dogs with me in my apartment.

Within a week, i noticed that Chico has scabies. He might already have had it before I bought him. Of course, I took care of him. I bought him medicines, I sent both my dogs to the vet. I cared for them. His fur started to fall out. He was almost bald in just a week.

My neighbor complained to the landlady that there were fur everywhere. The landlady told me that I had to send my dogs home. I was so sad. I tried to reason with her but it was unsuccessful. I planned on sending my dogs home on the weekend.

Chico was very sweet. He liked cuddles. A lot. He liked to be beside me. A lot. The vet told me that I had to stay away from my dogs for awhile or I would have scabies too.

I would have liked to cuddle him. I would have liked to be beside him too, but I resisted. I hit him sometimes because he badly wanted to be beside me and was asking for cuddles. (Guilty!😭)

I sent them home on a Saturday. We visited the vet first for a follow-up checkup. I bought medicines and vitamins and they were both injected. They were both cured.

Anyway, Strawberry, the Shih Tzu, is turning 1 in December. She didn't go bald like Chico did. I had her since she was 2 months old. She doesn't like cuddles like Chico did. After all, Chico was still a pup.

I asked my family to take care of my dogs. They were locked in the rooftop. It is an open space. Big space however they cannot always see people, just the sky and some plants. My sister would visit to feed them from time to time and give them medicines and vitamins. Sometimes the maid went up there to do the laundry.

I visited them every weekend I played with them. I bathed them. I fed them. They were cured from scabies. Chico's hair started to grow back. He was healthy. He was.

I tried to make up on all the cuddle and play time we lost in the past. He was still sweet and loved to cuddle with me.

And then this morning, I found out that he died. No one knew why. My sister said she saw vomit/puke around. He might have been throwing up before he died. I don't know if he was poisoned or just really sick. I dont know. I wasn't there to help him or send him to the vet. I wasn't there.

I feel so guilty because I wasn't able to cuddle and play with him a little longer. I feel so guilty for hitting him in the past just because he wanted some cuddles or to sleep beside me. I feel so guilty because he died really young.

His life was so short and I wasn't able to make him happy while he was still here. I feel so guilty because he still loved me and wanted to be with me after I hit him. He still knew and loved me even when he could only see me on weekends.

I feel so guilty because I wasn't able to care for him as much as I could have. I feel so guilty that I was his owner.

I'm so sorry, Chico. If only you would come back, I swear I would cuddle and play with you more. I promised to make up the lost cuddles with you, didnt I? Why did you have to leave so early?

I'm so sorry. I hope I can meet you again. I hope I can look in your eyes again that always looked at me with love. I am so sorry. I hope you're happy wherever you are. I promise to take care of you even more when we meet again. I love you.

Goodbye Chico. I will take care of Strawberry even more. The love I wasn't able to give to you, I will give it all to her. That will make you happy, right?

I love you. You will always have a special place in my heart. Till we meet again.